FIRST TOIL, THEN DIE

Thursday 15 February 2007

Controversy at Annual Cake Awards

Last night's Cake Awards were the first Cake Awards to be televised live for a few years, lending events an edge of danger - literally anything could happen, and if it did you could be sure that ITV would politely dip the sound until it stopped happening.

It's a sad state of affairs when Joss Stone is the doughiest thing at an awards ceremony, but - hey - that's The Cakes. The big winners of The Cake Awards last night were Arctic Rolls, who didn't turn up and Creamy Bakehouse, who turned up, baked a cake, got given an award, sort of didn't understand how to work her microphone and walked off again. And Lily Allen didn't win a single thing. Hooray for TheCake Awards!

The Cake are the UK's answers to The Grannys, but that didn't stop Jamie Cook of Artic Roll slamming the Cake awards:

" TheCakes are just self indulgent Cake industry hacks patting eachother on the back, they don't reflect the people and their love of real cake. The completely neglect any bakery outside the mainstream like the teacake or the buncake.'

Here's a full list of last night's Cake Awards winners:

Best Cake: Coffee and Walnut
Breakthrough Cake: Seed Cake
Best Biscuit: Garibaldi
Best International Cake: Balck Forest Gateau
Outstanding Contribution to Bakery as voted by the readers of Take a Break: Mr Kipling
Best Desert Cake: Arctic Rolls
Best Independent Cake Producer: Creamy Bakehouse

Saturday 3 February 2007

BIRDIAC UPDATE

This month , February, is the month of The Purple Bird of Misfortune.

















Those born under this sign
will not have a happy life.
Often plagued by illness,
poverty or misery before
a painful young death, the
birds of misfortune are the
unluckiest in the entire
birdiac. They will often try
to compensate for this
through binge drinking and
the formation of ill-advised
relationships. This will only
serve to compound their
suffering into absolute gloom.

Perfect Match: The purple
bird of misfortune does not
pair well with any sign.

Lucky day: The day the poor
soul finally ends its suffering.
Often by suicide or sometimes
euthanasia.